I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
