You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
