She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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