Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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