I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
