Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
