I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
