im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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