i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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