Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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