his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
