I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
