Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
