I think I am morally bankrupt
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Can you repeat that, but with context?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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