I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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