mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
You work out of a Hotel?
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
