I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Let's paint friendship bongs
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
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