Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
