i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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