he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
