Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize