I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
im on a boat
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