this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
