I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
