i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
