Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
