Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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