i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
