Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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