I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
high people should be assigned attendants
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
