i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Operation Purity has been aborted
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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