Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
