So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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