you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
