i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
