how can u be prego again
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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