it wasn't lemon gatorade
we're chasing vodka with high fives
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
