Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize