Betty ford says i'm here all night
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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