You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
