Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize