she's into porn, im staying here tonight
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
