im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
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