all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
