are you still at the devil's house?
You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize