i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
