You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
