you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
can u get pink eye on your cock?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
