I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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