Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
