i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
