I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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