Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
