this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
