it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
