I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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