I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I wear drunk well.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
