Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
