i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
