Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
how does that bad decision feel?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
