so that wasnt chicken after all
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
