I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
