phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
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