Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
