i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
