Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize