What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
