I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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