i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
